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You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
If thought bubbles appeared magically above my head I would be so screwed!
Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
Day 1-365: I am thankful for Veterans.
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
Card on top of gift reads `I want you wearing this tonight` only to open the gift to find NOTHING
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.
Netflix basically has every movie, except for the ones I actually want to watch.
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.