Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
Someone told me that I seemed a little more classy than usual. The only thing I can think of is they somehow found out I used a Target bag instead of one from Wal Mart to line my bathroom`s wastepaper basket.
I swear this is the last time I watch Groundhog Day
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.
Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
I`m not ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone.
If you can`t say something nice about someone, you probably know the same people I do.