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Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
I just scrolled so far back on Facebook`s Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
Every boy band song should have a part where they realize they`re singing about the same girl & get mad at each other.
I hate it when people call dogs "stupid". I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poop?
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
I`m thinking about starting a vegetarian dance club... I`m going to call it "lettuce turnip the beets". What do you think?
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
I’ve got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date!
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
The only way I`ll ever run a marathon is if I set up the booths and hand out tags.
When I get in an elevator, before I press a button I look at everyone inside and say “Are you ready to take this sh!t to a whole new level?”
We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.