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My dad taught me righty tighty, lefty loosie.... that`s why I never dated left handed chicks.
Imagine being the sort of person who knows what every button on a TV remote does.
Saying an actors performance was unbelievable is actually an insult.
I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
The best curve on a girl is her smile ;) ... Lol just kidding!
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
What if there actually is one legit Nigerian millionaire prince who genuinely needs to use your bank account?
I go out all day looking good and saw no one I know. I go out for 5 minutes looking like sh!t and it`s all of the sudden a f*cking reunion.
I thought she would duck officer- me checking the psychic`s ability
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in court someday.
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park