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A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
I`ve been having really bad headaches lately. The doctor said they were all in my head.
Marriage. Because your sh!tty day doesn`t have to end at work.
It`s amazing how the lowly potato gives us potato chips, french fries, and vodka. Get your sh!t together, every other vegetable.
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
Life is Hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
Pregnancy test confirmed me my worst fear.......I`m just fat
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"