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There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren’t invited to.
Sleeping alone is a complete waste of my sexual talent.....
Had a big mix up at the store today... Apparently, when the woman said strip down facing me,she was referring to my credit card.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself" -- 5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called “Identity Theft”.
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk