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I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there`s a home invasion the intruder will think I`m part of the team.
The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
What if firemen acted like policemen and just drove around shooting water at anyone who looked like they might catch on fire.
Being in hot water isn`t so bad if you throw in some bubbles and a glass of champagne.
If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I`m having sex ... Probably with the other sock.