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My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
FYI: Push-up bras don`t actually help you do more push-ups :(
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
Looking forward to `Breaking Bad` merchandise. Especially the cook book.
If you can´t convince them, confuse them.
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
B!tches be trippin ... OK, maybe I pushed one.
The fact that this peanut butter jar states that it "Contains Peanuts" makes me extremely nervous for the human race.
"There are singles in your area." - me telling a stripper she forgot some money on the floor