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I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake.
She might be ugly now, but wait a few more drinks.
During the summer months, be sure to dress for the body you have. Not the body you want.
My Christmas tree smells like pine, and is hanging from the shift lever in my car.
Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
You`re probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
I had to go on two diets because one wasn`t giving me enough food.
Turbo Tax might just be the worst video game I`ve ever played.
take it easy and if it is easy take it home
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers