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?-- that guy is cute ?
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
I took up the game of Golf recently. . .but I had too much trouble getting through that windmill.
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
Despite what people may tell you, its the fat that makes you look fat... NOT the dress!! lol
boss: why are you peeing on the floor? mikeski: i already filled up your coffee cup.
Telling me to calm down is the easiest way to get me to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"