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That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
I relate to Game of Thrones because much like my own life, I have no idea what’s going on and there’s a lot of wine drinking.
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
It`s a beautiful day. I think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit
If Apple really want to introduce something new and "innovative" they should just release a longer charger.
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
there is no strong beer, only weak men
*Knocks on door* Hey open up. You didn`t reply to my last 43 inbox messages & then you updated about a guy who keeps annoying you. You need help?
The toughest thing in business is minding your own.
For the record "Wanna do it?" is not foreplay....
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell