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I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
I’m sad when my food is over.
I’m a lonely Status. I wish more people liked me.
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
Oh, I offended you with my opinion? You should hear the ones I kept to myself.
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
Now accepting friends that live on a lake and have a boat and/or jet skis
DOCTORS WRITING: "?? ?? ??." HOW I SEE IT: "?????." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?