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Nobody really owns tupperware. We are all just really borrowing it from one another.
Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don’t trust it. Everyone knows it’s impossible to drive without eating the fries.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
“Get your panties in a bunch” would make a great slogan at Costco.
I wish the buck stopped here…I could use a few.
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
Even if gas prices go down, I´m still going to siphon gas from my neighbor´s car because I like the adrenaline rush and he´s an a$$hole
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.