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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
i honestly hate saying sorry but when i do i really mean it :-)
Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
I put on my pants like everyone else. Right after the security guard in Target says "Sir, we`re going to have to ask you to leave."
My wife is so annoying. "Do you think I`m sexy? Am I hot? How gorgeous am I? Do I have a nice ass?" I just want her to answer me.
I passed a homeless guy who asked "Any change!?" I said "Nope, your still dirty and homeless". We laughed and laughed and then he stabbed me
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
Why do blurry people always ask me if I’m drunk?
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
Browsing the internet when bored is like the virtual version of checking the refrigerator...
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360
Not a day goes by when I don`t try to use The Force.