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When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
I hate hanging out with MC Hammer, he never let`s me touch anything.
Sports commentators need to stop saying penetrate
The unplanned moments tend to be the best ones.
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
I liked you better before we met.
There is nothing more terrifying than sneezing while driving.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
Have you ever realized that sleeping is just your eyes staring at your eyelids all night long?
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.