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I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
I`ve never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.
I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead!
Guy- What`s your sign? Me- Stop
The people who make medicine clearly have no idea what fruit tastes like
Hi I was calling about the $300/hour part time job I read about in a sexy ad I saw on an illegal torrent site. Are you guys still hiring?
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.
I don`t always do a lot, but I put a lot of thought into it.
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"
When someone tells you they`re playing a STD game... But you later realise they were talking about Spot The Difference.