Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate when all the silverware is dirty and I`m down to using the giant decorative fork that hangs on the wall.
Bring donuts so your coworkers will like you. Cut them in half so they will hate you again.
I’m an only child, and I’m still not the favorite.
Why is maple syrup so expensive?.. It grows on trees doesn`t it?
That moment when you’re talking to yourself and you smile like an idiot, because you’re just so hilarious.
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
You know it’s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with… “Are you sitting down?”
We look like we are being productive, but really, we are just talking sh!t about co-workers and how drunk we got last weekend.
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
I`d bite my nails less if there wasn`t always chocolate frosting under them.
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
I`m great at balloon animals. You should see my eel, snake, and worm.