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My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.
Are you one of those people that get hurt from things posted on Facebook? You can easily avoid that by keeping your a$$ off of Facebook.
Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one.
So I was looking at my boyfriends facebook page and saw a ton of girls saying they love him. He`s obviously cheating on me. We are so over Zac Efron.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
Futons are the most disappointing Transformers ever.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.