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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
I`d better check my phone for texts from friends. *checks phone* Well, I`d better get some friends...
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
Sarcasm is funnier when used on people who don`t understand it.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I`m going to visit.
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......