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I can`t tell them apart, was that Milli or Vanilli doing the sign language at Madela`s funeral?
Stop saying `all the men are the same` who told you to try them all..WHORE!!?¿
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
You know you`re getting old when one huge fart throws out your back.
I don’t write children’s books because the last page would always say: "Now shut up and go to sleep."
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
I`m starting to get that "f*ck it" attitude about everything..
I wish Monday was a figment of my imagination.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
I know it’s rain but I hate when my coworker tell me how many inches they got last night.
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
How can you tell if someone went to the gym? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.