Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
It`s finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
I want to grow old and disgusting with you.
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I`m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool