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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
“Over my dead body” doesn’t mean “no.” It means I get to do what I want and as a bonus I get to kill you.
I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, can burn your a$$ tomorrow.
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
I know two wrongs don`t make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I`m like on 756.
How many Oreos is too many?...Is it 25?...I feel like it should be more than 25
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.