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Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
There are no bad pictures; that’s just how your face looks sometimes.
Honk if you are reading this.
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
I made you a cake. I also ate it for you.
Does this couch I`m laying on make me look unmotivated?
Girl are you a University of Phoenix degree because I`m pursuing you online and from my couch
There is no such thing as something looking "Too good to eat"
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.