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You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
It`s like my kids don`t even believe how cool I was in the 80s.
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
GF: "You`re cute when you`re drunk" Me: "You`re cute when I`m drunk too"
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she`s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
My wife’s cooking brings a whole new meaning to.. eat sh!t and die.
Know why girls cross their arms when they`re angry? Boobs. Just a little reminder of who`s in charge around here.
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
Please help control the pet population, have that special talk with your pet!
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.