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Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
The worst part about looking for a job is if you`re successful, you end up with a job.
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
Whenever I screw up at work, I`m so glad I`m not a doctor.
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich?
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.
If the shoe fits, wear it. Unless they`re not yours. But you can still were them. It`s just a road test, after all.
I was jogging earlier and...LMAO, I`m sorry...I can`t start a status with such ridiculousness.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
Never underestimate the power of cleavage.