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"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
!f yhu T@k yk d!$, then dont talk to me.
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.
When it comes to tantrums, I throw like a girl.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
After a night of heavily drinkin` there`s one thing I can`t stand...and that`s up.
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
If each day is a gift, I wonder where I can return monday.
I was trying to have a mature arguement but "look, you ignorant f*cktard" just popped out