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I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
Fighting is bad. Breaking up a fight between a douchebag and the bar owner is good. Thank God I`m a ninja.
The voices in my head tell me not to listen to the voices in my head, and now I don`t know who to listen to anymore
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
For daylight savings, we should move the clocks forward an hour on Monday at 9 AM so that we lose an hour of work instead of sleep.
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
I`m thinking one of us should probably break the news to the phone book makers that there`s this thing called Google now
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached
There are only 53 days until Christmas... just a heads-up in case you haven`t shopped for me yet.