Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Screw it, I’m starting Friday now.
I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.
I remembered my wedding anniversary today. It was last week.