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Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
Every time I use a public bathroom, I always wonder why so many people have Sharpies on them at all times.
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
Yes Grandma, I`m almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq
I bet Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.
For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
I use profanity, the way Picasso used a paint brush
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.