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I`m like the stink in your feet.....I will always be with you.
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
"No I don’t need any help. I know more about booze than you do" - Me to the liquor store clerk
My phone just changed, `calendar` to `cake radar` and now I really wish I had that.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
Thinking " What would happen if the whole world farted at once and a person lit a lighter?"
I always found it a little counter productive when the teacher would say "Don`t get smart with me!"
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole
I always write `wake up` on my to-do-list so I can at least accomplish one thing a day