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Of all the things I have lost in life I mis my mind the most
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
I just want to find someone who will love me for exactly who I am pretending to be.
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
Do you know how many poisonous apples I`d have to give out before I was considered to be the fairest in the land?
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he`s homeless or just tired from breakdancing.
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
I don`t drink to forget my problems. I drink because I survived them!
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets??
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?