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Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
Nothing says “I don’t give a sh!t” like a Hawaiian shirt.
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
I hate when I’m alone in the dark and my brain says, “Hey, you know what we haven’t thought about in a while? Ghosts..”
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like I’ve commited a crime.
I am used but in good condition.
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
If I`m ever in the hospital on Life Support, don`t just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".