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I`m not saying I`m lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my car so I just wrote back "nah"
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
Dont let facebook fool you we aint friends
The male version of a tramp stamp should be called a douche tag.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have sex.
My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
When the zombie apocalypse happens, I’m going to blast Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”, while the zombies chase us, just to lighten the mood.
When someone wants to talk behind your back, FART!
Opposites attract, that`s the trouble with being awesome
Wal-Mart: Because going to Target requires a shower.