Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
I swear I`m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I seem to break out in handcuffs.
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your wipers on high.
We`re all just nudists in disguise.
You know you`re single when the only calls you get at night are Nature`s.
The awkward moment when you set something down for a second and it disappears off the face of the earth.
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
Tip Of The Week: When going through airport customs and you are asked “do you have any firearms with you?” do not reply “what do you need?”
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.