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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
Huge spoiler here ... Did you know Dave is actually NOT the real father of Alvin, Simon, and Theodore.
Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
The best things in life require no pants.
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
A lie is a great story that someone ruined with the truth.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
When I`m bored, I send a text to a random number saying, " I hid the body, now what?"