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Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
I have the rest of my life to be an adult.
My favorite beer is the next one.
[boss calls me to office] We found a lot of disgusting porn on your computer. Thats a matter of opinion. Some may say it`s the right amount.
Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.
I miss the old days when I could say I wasn`t around and you couldn`t check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of