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If gas prices keep going up I`m cutting off the bottom of my car and I`m "Flintstoning" That mf!
I love long legs.... Long sexy legs.....But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm down.
I swear this is the last time I watch Groundhog Day
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
My wife told me I suffer from a lack of imagination. I said, "Yeah? Well you suffer from a lack of imagination." That showed her.
I will resolve to spend less time on Facebook..............ok, got that one out of the way.....................
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.