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in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
It’s not that I don’t care what you’re saying; I was just thinking about food.
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
Farted in my wallet, Now I have gas money.
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped and shattered my phone
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
Remember when mowhawks meant you were a tough punk rocker? Now they just mean that you`re 3 and your parents are idiots.