Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
You learn something new everyday and if you didnt know that then you just did.
The only dates I get are updates.
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
Searching Netflix is almost more of an activity than watching a movie on Netflix.
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Hahaha I’m so sorry. No I’m not.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.
In life you will meet all sorts of people, happy, moody, shy, loud, weird, and then there`s me So deal with it mmuhaaaaaaaahaaahaaaa that`s right !
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.