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Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
One minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
Oh honey, you`re not pretty enough to be that stupid
Having to cash in my State Quarter Collection`s map for gas money is reaching a new low.
I just saw the neighbor`s kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I`m thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn`t supposed to.
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.