Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.
At church they said the number of the beast is 666, but I stood up and said that`s not my wifes phone number.
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
Are you thinking what I`m thinking? ... F**king pervert. I`m calling the cops.
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
Lawns: You cut them, then water them so they grow just so you can cut them again. This does not make sense.
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
The closest I`ve come to camping was that one time when I fell asleep in the bushes outside your window with my camera.
Personally, I think failure should be an option
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"