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Who´s up for Candyland? $20 buy in
Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
"Should I add more liquor?" is the most ridiculous question I`ve ever been asked.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you.
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
I just read that Lindsay Lohan is headed for rehab. It`s like 2008 all over again. Or 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
I was being taught to use some machinery today, and I was quizzed as to the rules of it`s use. When asked what the first rule is I responded, "You do not talk about Fight Club."
For all the parents with kids starting school I just want to say congratulations. You made it through another summer without killing your children!! I am proud of you all!!
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
Me: Well hello again. I knew you`d be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave