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wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
When your mother asks you if you`re sexually active, the correct response is: "No, I just lie there."
Don`t ask me for advice, my answer is always get them drunk.
I do 5 situps every morning. I know it doesn`t sound like much, but there`s only so many times one can hit the "snooze" button......
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
It`s time to wave goodbye to winter. Guess what finger I`ll be using?
I can’t find the words to express how I have nothing to say
I`ll never forget the first time we met. Although, I will keep trying.
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
Half of my life has been spent hoping people don’t see me.
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.
If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.