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To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
I don`t really understand why women are expected to be able to cook if they can give blowjobs.
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Flash mobs are so not what I thought. Now I`ve gotta go find my clothes.
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
they say money cant buy you happiness but id much rather be crying in a fararri...
My house is not messy. Those are just obstacles I`ve put in place for burglars.
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
There’s a reason why “sober” and “so bored” sound almost exactly the same.
I only support ghost hunting if you need the ghost for food.
Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells "CODE RED, CODE RED" really loud then people scurry like mad.