Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
If the sprayer in the sink can`t get it off and the dishwasher can`t get it off then I assume it`s just meant to be a part of the pan.
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
Never make decisions when you are angry....or horny.
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead!
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
You know it was a good sh!t when you come back and your screensaver is on.
If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I`m having sex ... Probably with the other sock.
I feel like a nickle in the March of Dimes.