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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber band around it...... I found the rubber band.
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
After a night of heavily drinkin` there`s one thing I can`t stand...and that`s up.
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.