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If you see anything posted from me that involves something normal or appropriate, it is not me. I believe I`ve been hacked.
I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
Shall I compare thee to a Summer`s Eve? For thou art a douche.
Well, it`s about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Pro Tip: If you knock on the door to a bathroom stall and someone says "one second," wait more than one second before entering.
Men who claim women belong in the kitchen definitely do not know what to do with them in the bedroom!
Life`s short ... Drink fast
You sure do seem to know a lot about love and relationships for someone who spends 22 hours a day on Facebook.
I just slid off the couch and lay on the floor for a while and eventually sat up without using my hands, is that a yoga class?