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I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
Humans pretend to be smart, but we still look at the ceiling when we hear a noise upstairs like we just developed x-ray vision.
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance! ..By driving away and not leaving a note.
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
Think you`re going crazy? When you get there, look for me and I`ll show you around.
When it comes to tantrums, I throw like a girl.
Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn`t make you a TV star.
If you spotted a white guy with headphones throwing gang signs on the subway today, that was just me listening to the soundtrack of Frozen.
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.