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Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
I was all "I`m not taking any sh!t from you" and she was all "to speak to a member of our customer service team, press 1".
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun..
I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.
Sometimes when I’m feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.