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I have to wonder why we have "non-essential" government employees in the first place.
I just researched the medicinal name for Viagra..... MYCOXAPHAYLYN
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
I want the job of placing pepperoni slices on frozen pizzas, because clearly whoever has it is now has problems.
First Rule of Camping: Put up the tent before you start drinking.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.