Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
How can we call ourselves "evolved" when signs are needed to remind people to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom
When your life flashes before your eyes does that include the black outs? That`d be cool. Like your life but with never before seen footage.
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
This might be my ego talking, but I feel my weight-loss spambot followers care about me. They really, really, do.
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
I thought we were both kidding when we made plans for me to watch your kid.
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
Me and my recliner...we go way back.
Hey Russia, you spelled Sushi wrong.