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Looks like Waldo got on the malasian plane.. well played waldo.. well played..
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s a$$ to fall off.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
Sorry I liked your status, I was cleaning my phone.
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
Gotta admire people who drive with one hand holding on to a mattress tied to the roof.
Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
I`m the perfect man if you don`t factor in looks, depth of character, emotional availability, intelligence or financial well being.
I hate it when I open my fridge and get punched by a bear... =/
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
You know, rumor has it that the Mona Lisa may have been the first selfie.
If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?