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I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
Im thinking about writing a book about my life, I just have to wait for the statue of limitations to expire.
Once I`m finished with this last container of Cool Whip, I will be the proud owner of a complete set of salad bowls.
Some people, even in photos, just look like they smell horrible.
Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
Just did a weeks worth of cardio after walking into a spider`s web.
It’s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
Pizza doesn’t ask questions. Pizza understands.