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Organized people are just too lazy to look for things!
I don’t go to bars for the same reason I don’t grocery shop when I’m hungry. I always come home with things I didn’t need.
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
Calling someone with glasses “four eyes” isn’t an insult. Know what else has four eyes? Two sharks. Now you feel stupid.
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
Whenever I see a happy couple.... smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love..... I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test.
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
Don’t compare yourself to others, that’s when you start to lose confidence in yourself.
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.
Happy birthday you motor boatin SOB! Have a great day