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Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
I just realized that the only time I`m good at dancing is when I`m about to pee my pants
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a prescription bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness."
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
You think I’m mean? If only you knew what I say in my head.
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
As long as I remind myself "The b!tch had it coming" is not a valid court defense, I`ll be ok
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.
It`s time to admit that as a species, we are just not ready for 4-way stops