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So apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? I`ve thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness.
I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn`t think she knew about.
Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...
How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
We can only blame ourselves for all the crime and violence today, we removed all the phone booths and now Superman has nowhere to change...
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
That moment when I try and be helpful to a blind man getting off the bus by saying, "watch your step"
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
On demand sucks. Hoarders made me fill up the dumpster and clean the house. Now I want to collect coupons and go to the pawn shop....
My coffee was so hot this morning it came along with an ugly friend.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.