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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck they should at least send me a picture of the broke ass family I support to hang on my fridge.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the coffee and went straight for the booze?
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
The internet is just another location for people to be wrong about things.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
It`s like the people in this restroom don`t even want my help unbuttoning their pants. STOP RUNNING AWAY I JUST WANT TO HELP YOU
Its too damn early. Even the voices in my head are still snoring.
I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.