Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
Went down the gym and burnt 1200 calories today. I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven!
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like this don`t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
I went on two diets because there wasn’t enough food on just the one.
Sometimes, the light at the end of the tunnel is just a lost guy with a flashlight.
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.
"You blew a tranny" means something completely different to an auto mechanic.