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Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
I got in an elevator with a lady with big breasts. She said could you press one for me please. I did and that was the last thing I remember
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
The lack of a secret handshake makes me question the strength of our friendship.
I like my relationships like I like my eggs: over easy.
Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
If history has taught us anything, it`s that reheated french fries are gross.
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
i used to like you but thanks to facebook i now know how boring u are
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.