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Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
You, my friend, deserve a high-five... that’s four more fingers than I normally give.
Who`s this "moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?
Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, if that doesn`t accurately describe my life I don`t know what does
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
When I count calories it involves a bunch of multiplication.
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
Jingle bells johnny smells, amelia ruled the show, frankies okay, marcus is gay, little mix all the way.. HAY !!!
Life is not like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your a$$ tomorrow.
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.