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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
Let me check my giveashitmeter ... nope nothing.
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
I have never walked toward the exit of a supermarket without nervously wondering if I`ve stolen something.
woman belong in the kitchen? thats where the knives are you fool.
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn`t doing the same thing.
Fingerprints are proof that God doesn`t trust us
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
The more I get to know you, the more I`m convinced that you are the sole inspiration behind many medications.
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
I can keep a secret… It’s all the other people I tell it to who can’t.
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.