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I don`t like surprises so, I never open my Electric Bill or my Bank Statement.
Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that`s what I want to start calling the hall closet.
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
I wish I loved anything as much as rappers love female dogs and gardening tools.
China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.