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Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
New rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I`m guaranteed at least one attempt on trying to trip you.
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
Getting told I can`t do something gives me all the motivation I need to get things done.
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.