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Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.
I have this great midnight snack it`s called, what do I think my roommate won`t notice if I eat the edges off of
I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
According to physics heat makes matter expand.....therefore I don`t have a weight problem....I`m just hot
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you`re wrong. I`m wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
The key to eating healthy is to avoid any food that has a TV commercial.
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.