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I am not available because I am looking at porn that takes up the whole computer screen
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.
We`re sorry to announce that due to budget cuts the beloved carol "Silver Bells" will be replaced with the more cost effective carol "Aluminium Bells".
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
One man’s potato is another man’s vodka.
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.