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I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
The bat signal seems pretty useless if they need Batman during the day.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
My girlfriend left me because I`m a legend ... Or to quote her, `Arrogant`.
Wtf neighbor I waved to you last week
I can`t really walk the walk, or talk the talk. But, if you need someone to drink the drink, I`m your man!
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
My number was 0...
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.