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you know....I must be drop dead sexy because....cashiers are always checking me out….
I hate Cheetos stains on my peignoir.........
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
I hate it when chicks wear pink camo. I`m like, "girl" where you hiding? Candyland?
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I`m looking for the thumbs-down button.
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.