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If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
A good office manager never let`s you run out of ink, paper or vodka
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
I`ve written my own book called 50 Shades of Gravy. It`s very saucy. :D
Every Chrysler commercial should begin with them apologizing for the PT Cruiser.
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
The worst form of Alzheimer’s is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer.
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.