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We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
Smile, it confuses people. ;)
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.
superbowl: the only time I actually look forward to watching commericals.
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
Subway is the only place I can walk in and ask for a 12 inch Italian and not feel like a slut.
You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
Walmart needs observation decks.
I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it`s about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.