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Got caught up in a really good book last night. I didn`t stop coloring till 2 o`clock this morning.
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
The guy who used to proofread Hitler`s speeches was the first grammar Nazi.
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
I wish I had the balls to be a juggler.
Is anyone else`s alcohol tolerance too high for their paycheck?
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
Ahh..Monday, so we meet again ... You dirty bitch!!
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
I fear the day when our kids would look at old you tube videos of us doing the Harlem Shake and Gangnam Style and think what a retarded generation ours was.
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes