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I`m now fit to make my regular annual resolution. The accomplishment is the problem
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
My internet goes out more than I do.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
It`s not that I`m judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
Roasting marshmallows is great because it combines dessert and playing with fire.
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
During a test..people look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember all the things I was suppose to do.
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
I hate when the remote is way over there
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.