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I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
The sense of success when you’ve had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.
Who needs the weather network when you have Facebook.
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom. I can’t believe it.. She’s a superhero!
Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.