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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
I will stop eating ice cream out of the container once I make it completely level.
Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
Valentine’s Day is in 4 days so if you are secretly in love with me I suggest you reveal it now.
I`m no different than any other bachelor. I put my pants on one leg at a time and clean the house once every new girlfriend.
heyy lol
I really like what you`ve done with your crazy.
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.