Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`
I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
I have two feelings, it`s either "I`m hungry" or "I shouldn`t have eaten this much"
I`m surprised more killers haven`t lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
I always pick up a huge cucumber up at walmart and yell to my wife "you said you wanted the biggest one right" Because I`m a great husband
You don`t know laziness until you rob a bank & choose to wait for the amount you stole to be announced on news rather than count it yourself
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer !
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light
every woman iz beautuful n her unique way, smtimz it needs sm amount of alcohol to see with
This is my leftover status from Thanksgiving.