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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
Last night I got drunk and ate 3 tennis balls by mistake, f*ck you Pringle`s.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
The problem with you is ... you exist.
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.