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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
life is unfair theres 6 days between monday and sunday but only 1 between sunday and monday
I dont want to sound like a badass or anything but I play Wii without the wrist strap on....
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
Why do they ask you "Please press 1 for English, then put you with someone who`s accent is so thick you can`t understand them?
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Does "who cares" count as advice?
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.