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I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
I don`t think my neighbor knows my rule about not interacting unless we`re both pointing at the same tornado.
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
Happy Birthday to all those ladies that their men forgot about because it falls on Super Bowl Sunday this year.
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."