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You feel naked without your phone, I feel naked without my clothes.
Unless you discovered a dead body, I don`t want to hear about your morning jog.
“Are you completely sure this isn’t textable?” -the perfect voicemail prompt.
It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
2 cops walk into a bar... I don`t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
about love
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
Sir, no food allowed in the dressing rooms.` ... what, am I supposed to just guess the pop tart capacity of these cargo shorts before I buy?
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.