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Steve Jobs is now working with God to make iWife... Beauty with brains and Mute button
it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
My wife gives me the speaking treatment.
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
You know it’s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with… “Are you sitting down?”
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
Due To ObamaCare and the poor economy Holiday Cheer this year will be distributed in Shot Glasses...
The best thing about having male genitals is sharing it with people who don`t.
Is food porn star a thing yet??
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.
hilarious
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.