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I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
McDonald’s Management Rule #23: “The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times.”
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
Today`s Facebook forecast: Partly boring, increased drama, and a really good chance of bullsh*t.
High fiving was the original "like".
May your Labor Day contain no Labor!
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.