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If you don`t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly and for the same reason...
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
Dad: Son its a fact that masturbation can lead to blindness. Me: Dad... Im over here ..
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
I used to dream about becoming an astronaut. Now I just dream that there`s still time before the alarm goes off.
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and It’s just me laughing at my own jokes.
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
Someone told me once that to have more confidence during sex, put in a live concert album while doing it. That way, you will hear applause every 3-4 minutes but I did it wrong. Accidentally put in a live concert album and all I heard was laughter!
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
Well another funny thing about this status is, by the time your done reading this, you realize it talks about absolutely nothing and you just wasted your time. Welcome to Facebook.