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Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until the creepy guy from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
All this time I thought PTA stood for Parents to Avoid
On a math test: 2+2 = ? Me: *Use calculator just in case
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
The problem with today`s children is that today`s parents are idiots.
People who think only God can judge them have obviously never met my mother-in-law.
pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.
Just because nobody complains doesn`t mean all parachutes are perfect.