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My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better ... Well, for me anyway.
Do not drink and drive.. because there are people out there who text and drive... and they will hit you and it will be your fault !!
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating everybody.
Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station`s phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.