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My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
Saw my Ex with some guy at a bar last night... so I ordered a beer, took a few sips then gave her date the rest of my drink... Walked away.
We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
Missed the gym yesterday.... That makes 11 years in a row.
If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church. Everyone looks at you in digust, but deep down inside they want some.
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."