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I`m not sure what post it was that caused me to lose 2 more Facebook friends today, but if I find out which one it was I will make sure to post it again....
My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
Patient: "The problem is that obesity runs in my family." Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
Actually officer, I`d prefer to think that vodka smells like me.
People are like dogs: There`s always someone who loves you for you and there`s someone who just peed in an inappropriate place.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
I think I`m funny - but looks aren`t everything
I carry a knife, but it`s just in case of cake.