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I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Had a nice, relaxing weekend. I now have ample energy to hate Monday and most of Tuesday.
I took my family to Sea World this weekend, but i wasnt allowed in. Apparently you cant take your fishing rod.
May your life one day be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
I try to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
There are 364 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.