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One man`s girlfriend is another man`s password.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
Grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and a big-a$$ed pitcher of margaritas as “Plan B”
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
It`s not hotter this year. It`s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
This beer sure tastes like I`m on vacation next week!
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.