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Driving would be much more entertaining if there were no yellow lights.
Note to Denver Broncos: Marijuana is NOT a performance enhancing drug!
Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like Facebook in real life.
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
A fun gym game is to drag your treadmill behind someone else`s, and then run with a determined glare while holding a bat.
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
Women have a lot more experience dealing with bloodstains than men. Men are convicted of murder a lot more than women. Coincidence?
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
When I was younger I thought I was bipolar. Turns out I was just an a$$hole who was happy about it.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
I love all religions. They bring holidays .
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.