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Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
That awkward moment when you give the same Hallmark card two years in a row.
Still haven`t taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
Was sitting, doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
You say tomato, I say summertime snowball.
Sometimes people try to expose what`s wrong with you, because they can`t handle what`s right about you.
the only correct answer to are u ticklish? is i have explosive diareha right now
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon