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I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
Waking up an hour early gives you an extra hour to wish you were still in bed.
My New Year`s Resolution is to stop making late decisions.
When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
The great thing about snow is it makes your lawn look as good as your neighbors.
The best way to get over someone is probably with your car
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
A friend of mine told me i have to update my self and I asked my self : does he mean there can be a latest version of me?
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails.