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I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
Iām always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
My cat is wearing a cone & has learned to scoop up his food and let it slide into his mouth and it`s giving me serious ideas, folks
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.