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Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
A hospital is the only commercial establishment where the worse service they provide you, the more you`ll come back.
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
If I`m not in bed by 11PM, then I go home.
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
The moment when someone says a word and everyone laughs, including you and then someone goes, "Do you know what that means?" and you go "No, not really."
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.