Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin? (asking for a friend)
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
I used to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I wake up feeling like a bounced check.
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
That disappointing moment when you pull up to work and it`s not fully engulfed in fire.
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
Running shoes? No, I don`t run. These are my "better hurry up the liquor store is about to close" shoes.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
By the time I’ve said “Nice to meet you” I’ve already forgotten your name.
"That`s too much bacon." -Nobody ever