Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If your problem can’t be solved by me saying “damn” and nodding a lot, then you shouldn’t come to me for help.
I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
About 110,000 people contract chlamydia each month, more than signed up for Obamacare. Obamacare is less popular than chlamydia.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
You don`t even want to know the things I have done for a Klondike Bar...
Love your enemies; after all, you made them!